I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
