how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
