yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
