party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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