As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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