My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
