Swine flu. Run for my life!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
