How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
