Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
