So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
