Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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