He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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