I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
