do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
