My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need water and some morals
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
