So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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