Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's rum buckets o'clock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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