You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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