It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
