Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
