I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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