Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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