he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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