Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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