you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
did i just pee glitter
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
