im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
