saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
