A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
