WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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