Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
