i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
