Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
