i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
