He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
