If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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