and i looked up. we had an audience...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
