I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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