do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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