I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize