I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
