I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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