Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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