i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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