Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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