hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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