remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
