you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
