yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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