You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize