You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
