Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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