That's when you crack a 10am beer
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
