I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
