My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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