I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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