Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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