I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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