It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
