nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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