I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
