Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
