apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
