I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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