that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
