Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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