I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
