why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
