ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
