i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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