stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
