I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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