Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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