Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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