Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
