You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
