Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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