My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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