who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
